| this is going to be a fun X-mas..... |
[Dec. 22nd, 2008|11:52 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
To my readers (whoever still reads this) -
I don't know how else to say this, and I realize that it might make You feel obligated to reply (though You needn't if You don't want to; I do know how much You care), I thought You all should know......My mom's best friend, the executor of her estate, the woman who practically raised me along with my own mom, my "Aunt" Cindi, recently found out that she had lung cancer. She was hospitalized a few days ago from what sounded (to me) like complications from the chemo treatments...and she was taken to the ICU not long after....
Cindi Rae Jennings passed away Saturday night.
I haven't heard the exact cause of her death, but she had been in the hospital for the past few nights and was rapidly declining by the time she was taken to the ICU. Her daughter Amy--my lifelong practically-sister-friend--told me that she got to the hospital just 10 minutes before her mom died.
Cindi waited for her.
Sadly, she didn't wait for me.
I wouldn't have wanted her to wait until I got home tomorrow night, if it had meant further suffering...though now I feel like shit for not going home to see her over Thanksgiving, and for not calling her as often as I should have. The last time I spoke with her on the phone, however, I did tell her very openly how much she means to me, that she was like a second mother to me and that I would always think of her as more than just my mom's best friend.
This seems so unfair.....Amy just had her first baby a couple of months ago (just like when my mom died only a month after her first grandson was born)....Ryan (Amy's brother) is in the navy, stationed halfway across the country, and couldn't make it home in time to see her....She and Alan had been married for, what, 30some years? and they were still a happy, loving couple until the night she died...
but no, I have to remind myself that people die...it is a direct consequence of life, and the conditions surrounding one's death needn't always be seen as unfair: While this was rather sudden and unexpected so soon, her family did have a few months to prepare for this scenario when she discovered she had lung cancer. While she was only 55, she did achieve quite a lot in those years, and touched many, many people. Many of the roughly 2,000 residents of Monroe, Iowa will mourn her death and remember her very fondly, and will be present to comfort her family when I will not be able to.
As for me, well...I'm crying my goddamn eyes out, but I'm dong okay considering. Again, those of You reading this needn't feel obligated to say anything at all, because I know that You care. I want You all to know how much I appreciate what You've already done for me, and to know how much I care about You, too.
Love,
Ashleigh Jo Ford
p.s.
to the entire vegan community, and chickens everywhere -
I ate an egg yesterday morning in Cindi's memory. My friend/neighbor had me stay over Saturday night (since Shane is back in Iowa already) and was a great comfort, and We decided to make breakfast yesterday morning, Cindi-style.
So I made bull's eyes--a sunny-side-up egg cooked in the center of a piece of toast in a skillet--and actually ATE an entire piece.
This was an exception to my veganism. It was an organic, free-range egg (not that it justifies things, but it's a small comfort) and the meal brought back very special memories...I hope that You (and my intestines) will forgive me. |
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| I keep forgetting about this LJ... |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|11:42 pm] |
MY NEW OBSESSION: REPO! The Genetic Opera
My first taste of REPO!:
(fear not the appearance of Paris Hilton - she gives a surprisingly good performance, AND she gets royally pwned at the end...You've gotta see it)
The official trailer:
I attended a special screening at the Plaza Theatre in Atlanta last month, and I got to meet director Darren Lynn Bousman and co-creator/composer/Grave Robber Terrance Zdunich:
and I totally got their autographs. :D
TESTIFY! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|02:34 pm] |
if You support prop 8 or the ideas it stands for, watch this in its entirety. LISTEN to this man, and ask Yourself the questions he poses.
if You oppose prop 8 and the bullshit it stands for, watch this, maybe tear up a little like I did, and remind Yourself that there's still hope. |
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| I'm gonna be a supermodel...and my hair will shine like the seeaaa...and stuff |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|03:27 am] |
Sometimes I wonder about the direction my life's headed...I wonder if the ambitions I pursue will take me anywhere important, or if they'll just flop and be chalked up to "learning experiences."
And then I go and think that I'm stupid for doing stuff like THIS.
....and then stuff like THIS and THIS come along, and I doubt myself a little less. And then I remind myself that I can't know how something will go for me unless I try...
so I'm exploring a new artform. maybe I'll be successful, maybe it'll generate some artistic fulfillment and financial opportunity, or maybe I'll find that it's not for me. but shit, I have to give it a try...it's something I've secretly wanted to do for a long time...so why not?
I haven't forgotten about my other artistic pursuits (including that elusive BA in Graphic Design..ha), and I'm grounded in the reality that I'll still have to work other jobs for money and keep my priorities straight. but this seems like a worthy side-project to me.
In other news, my rat babies are pretty much fully grown, and cuter than ever.
Yes, I make LOLRats out of their photographs. because despite being a fairly intelligent human being with above-average reading comprehension, I'm a sucker for animal macros.
more on Brandybuck and Pippin later, probably.
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| Blue-Collar Woman |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|12:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | new neighbors moving in below | ] |
So, maybe one or two updates every month is just about right for me these days...I guess.
// JOB //
I got a job (starting about the time of that last entry) working with a general contractor doing light construction and painting. The construction work I do is pretty easy, but I've learned a lot already.
I know how to assemble and install ceiling fans, how to "cheat out" sunken electrical outlets/light switches, install moulding/trim using a nailgun!, caulk/seal said moulding/trim, prime and paint using a paint sprayer, and lay stone tile and grout. The last five years of painting gymnasiums, plus my recent experience with interior painting, have officially earned me the title of "professional painter." NEAT!
I actually responded to a craigslist ad seeking general labor workers for a small-scale basement remodeling job...what drew me in was the specific mention of "Men or Women, I don't discriminate..."
It turns out that my boss, the licensed contractor with whom I work, is REALLY cool. He's originally from Kansas, but he's not so typically Midwestern....he's a really friendly, funny guy with a ton of great stories about his past/other jobs, including working as a professional clown, a special effects and prop-builder for theatre, a male stripper, a featured monster at one of the biggest haunted houses on the East coast (Chomper the Clown), and a costume-builder/performer in a costumed dance troupe that performs at such nerd-fests as Dragon Con.
And it so happens that he has a lot of insightful things to say about politics, social "deviance," society in general, and gay rights, to name a few.
His wife is involved in a lot of the same haunt/costume/nerd-dom along with him, and I'll get to meet her soon! Shane and I have been invited to dinner at their place...more on that as it develops.
SO. MUCH. FUN.
// BRAIN //
Still taking the meds, still feeling good. I went through a little slump last month while I was desperately poor and unemployed, not having much to get me out of bed every day, and such... but my job quickly yanked me out of that, and I'm fully engaged in being active, healthy, and artistic every day.
I have a few ambitions regarding my future in professional art-making....most of which are practical and realistic...but I have to make sure that my hypomanic state doesn't simply draw up all these wonderful plans, only to leave them forgotten and unpursued shortly afterward.
All in all, I feel really good....maybe TOO good for my own good (uhh...heh?), but I'll enjoy this fully while it lasts.
// POLITICS //
Oh, I could go on for ages and pages about all the shit that's been going through my head lately....McKKKain and his imbecilic, batshit-crazy old man words; Palin and her complete lack of thought or rationale behind the fluffy bullshit she spews, not to mention her recently reported abuse of power (oh! what a field day for us..); the shit that I still disagree with regarding Obama and what he says; the way I wish I could vote for Nader (again) this time around, but knowing I can't afford to lose that vote................
Just too much to cover right now.
I'll do my duty by staying as informed as I can (with our fucking joke of a "news" media to keep us in the know) and by voting next month.
I will say this now, for the fucking record: NO ONE who is elected President this year, or in the next four years AT LEAST, will be able to fully heal our financial situation. I have a feeling that shit will start looking up very soon, but then it will have to get MUCH worse before actual stability is restored.
I still have hope that Obama will help to enact some of the change we need....but realistically, I know that it will take something much bigger (along the lines of major famine or near-apocalypse) to make a real, lasting change in the way this country operates.*
The end.
*thanks, Illya, for reminding my realism/cynicism of the inevitable. :-) |
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| I found this on VW's dews & debate forum: |
[Sep. 13th, 2008|04:35 pm] |
Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist
best known for "The Vagina Monologues", wrote the following about
Sarah Palin:
Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member
of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved
polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe
it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the
arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the
fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist
and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence
against them. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical.
The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists. But
everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is
part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving
young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices
of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out
may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may
never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would
have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my
lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre
be elected to the presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her
world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or
evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic,
the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of
cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar
bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here
to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and
plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be
taken and plundered.
As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are
raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to
determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not. She obviously does
not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing
abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has
tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people
who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and
difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next
president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse
populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She
has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves
from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But
when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared
in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the
end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America
has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in
our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of
the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to
save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine
whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we
escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine
whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives
that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets
spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of
killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a
closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama
elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC,
"Drill Drill Drill"
I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction.
I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition,
emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of
the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and
peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008 |
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| two political rants |
[Sep. 13th, 2008|04:32 pm] |
1.) On the subject of September 11th, Keith Olbermann gives a very eloquent explanation of an important issue:
....I've been harboring a lot of resentment toward the (Republican party's) exploitation of this tragic event, and there wasn't much that Mr. Olbermann said that I didn't already know/feel/agree with.....
SO, it was easy for me to be only minorly pissed about the subject matter when I watched it. That feeling was soon replaced with utter pride and adoration of Mr. Olbermann, not only for his bravery but also for so accurately describing this problem. I'm glad that we still have people like he, who can stand up, speak out, and risk a lot by saying that which most people (or "respected authorities" at least) are afraid to say.
I'm also glad that he hasn't (yet) been killed or silenced for his bold stance against the Bush administration and all the subsequent bullshit.
Oh, Keith, be my boyfriend, please? Or at least let me live with you so we can have long, hot conversation sessions, and I can make us yummy vegan foodstuffs.
2.) On the subject of Obama and "the lipstick comment," I present my own rant:
I'd just like to preface this next statement with my acknowledgment and support of others' opinions...I support your right to vote for whichever candidate you think is best, and I can't tell you how to think...I'd only urge everyone to carefully examine WHY they feel the way they do, and to make sure your claims for/against a candidate is based on FACTS. (ie, "John Kerry looks like Frankenstein, so he's SO not getting my vote" will not get my support or understanding.)
That said,
I hope that those who are offended by Sen. Obama's use of a common phrase (also used by McCain in the past) will think about it in the right context. Also, realize that the media's sensationalizing of such events really might influence how you feel about it.....My guess is that 9 out of 10 (at least) offended listeners wouldn't have considered it sexist OR viewed it as an insult toward Ms. Palin IF it hadn't been painted that way by the media.
...You can watch a YouTube clip of Palin making her "bulldogs vs. hockey moms => lipstick" statement, which cuts immediately to Obama's use of the "lipstick on a pig" phrase, and you'll connect the two, and likely wouldn't have before...then cut to some commentator's drivel about "what it MEANS!" and it doesn't take much convincing.
It's all about context.
The "lipstick on a pig" analogy might be considered sexist if you've never heard it before.....or if you consider the connection between lipstick and act of "dressing up an ugly situation" as being directly connected to stereotypes of women and/or degradation of femininity, etc....BUT you'd be taking it out of context in these cases.
The phrase IMPLIES that an bad situation is still bad even if you sugar coat it/give it a false, "pretty" exterior.
Sen. Obama USED the phrase to compare the pig with McCain's policies/potential presidency, and the lipstick with McCain's nice-sounding promise for change.
In this case, interpreting this any other way is considered a FALLACY OF EQUIVOCATION.
please, please, please realize that other, more unsavory interpretations of this stem from sensationalized bullshit, or at the very least, a use of completely invalid premises.
...if you've read all this, thank you...I'm long-winded atm.
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| psychotic? |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|09:27 pm] |
4.48 Psychosisa
(mindfuck of a)
play
by
Sarah Kane
.....
Read it, watch it, understand it, be horrified by it, identify with it
if you have known someone who is/has been,or if you have ever been
MENTALLY ILL
MEDICATED
HOSPITALIZED
SUICIDAL
PSYCHOTIC
DEPRESSED
MANIC
ANXIOUS
****
It will blow your fucking mind.
just hope that you see a properly-directed/performed production.
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| there was something in the air that night... |
[Aug. 22nd, 2008|01:39 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | L5P | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "fernando" has been running through my head for the past hour | ] |
I really ought to update more often, eh?
long story made short(er):
....I moved to Atlanta (the Little Five Points area) last week
....My apartment kinda rocks, and the location is great (10 minutes to walk to the Edgewood MARTA station! woo!)
....but I've gotta pay $425ish + utilities every month (that's way more than I'm used to)
....So I'm looking for a job that can take care of those expenses
....And I've switched to Verizon since US Cellular hates the state of Georgia, but I got to keep my digitz (so call me up or something)
....oh, and US Bank also seems to hate Atlanta (except for one place way up north) HONESTLY, wouldn't you think US Bank would have some ATMs or banks around here? I really cannot afford to use up my MARTA card just to make a damn deposit.
....so I have to make a new bank account with some other place...
....which is fine, because my US Bank accounts are almost drained anyway, ha!
....The L5P area really fucking rocks
....and I'm back on meds *grumblegrumble* but at least I actually feel better after only 2 weeks-ish
Also, I've finally gotten around to reading "The Stand" by Stephen King. He's like a breath of fresh air after trying (and failing) to finish like, 4 other books I'd started....it's not just the subject matter, but his writing style that is so fucking cool. Every character is so well developed--almost all of them come with a million little side-stories and past-events-material that actually adds to the whole story--and they just keep on developing/changing as the story goes on. Often the sentence structure and flow of 3rd person narrative takes on the speaking style/tone of the character(s) being described, so it really makes you connect with what they're going through. King can change tenses within a sentence, change the spelling of words to fit whatever he needs it to sound like/suggest, and make all kinds of supposed 'grammatical errors' whenever it works for him...and it always does.
I picked up the book at the Coralville Library's book sale a few days before we left the state. started reading on.. uhm, Monday. or Tuesday, maybe? and I'm on page 514 of 1,153. It's the "uncut" version. *squeee*
so, what next? maybe I'll finally take on the Dark Tower series.
or, uh...
perhaps a little birdie swan may suggest something. *WINK WINK*
like a library that lends only the best reads. that's what I dig. |
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